You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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