i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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