can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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