she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
