The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
