Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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