I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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