It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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