Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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