The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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