I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
