We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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