does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
