Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
