Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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