dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
