you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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