i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
