Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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