Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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