he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
