Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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