So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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