suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
