Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
