This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So much Jack, so little girl.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
