what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
