I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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