Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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