there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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