I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
