I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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