if i died would you start the facebook group?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
