oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
