I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
