I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
