So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
