shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
