when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
