I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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