She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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