I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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