your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
