if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
