Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
