question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
