Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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(954): View more from Florida

my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch

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(208): View more from Idaho

Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.

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(620): View more from Kansas

I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm

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(561): View more from Florida

I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.

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(785): View more from Kansas

plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together

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