so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
