Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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