i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
