We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
