Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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