1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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