He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
