I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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