We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just pynch a tree in the face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
