Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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