I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
