what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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