Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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