hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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