How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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