You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
do nipples grow back?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize