She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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