I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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