Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
