he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
