found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just pee around me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
