i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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