The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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