I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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